Hey everyone,

How are you all? This time next week I will be feaking out about my wedding....cos it would be in about 17 hours YIKES.

Well we have assembled all our furniture and have squabbled alot lol who would have thought that making stuff could get you SO stressed.

Now I am packing ALL my stuff....and there is ALOT of it.

All the wedding plans have gone fine so yeah its good.

OOOH i get my braces off for good on Tuesday (18th) HURRAH

Well i must be off, please let me know how you're doing :)

Godbless Rach

p.s nothing could have happend with this coming marriage and all without GOD!!!

Hey everyone.

How are we all? I am great :) Got much to tell!!!

1.  We got a place to live :) Its 3 bedroom, air con, dishwasher, near a pool and brand new :) YAY Dunno when we can start moving stuff in though lol
2. I was approved for a GE card, meaning we now have a bedroom suite and two awesome couches on order :) YAY
3. We know where we are getting our fridge and washing machine YAY
4. Pretty much everything except how I am to wear my hair for the wedding, has been planned HOORAH

So yeah, things are going great atm. Thanks be to GOD only.

How are all of you? Please drop a comment to let me know. I am like soo busy with work and wedding and house stuff atm, so I am not always online.

Have a good one, and stay safe. May God be with you always, and he is.

Rach xxoo

I hate weddings, there is too much stress, too much money, too much planning.

I can't plan alot cos everyone is too busy. I have so many things to do, I think I am going crazy.

I don't have much cash, its all gone to savings. What am I gunna do. I am stressing big time.

I am scared my wedding will be a disaster, like my formal. And I will regret it every day. I want everyone's hair and clothing to be great, i want my hair and clothing to be great.....I have already put on 5 kilos, so now i dont fit my wedding dress.....and they cannot adjust it.....

*cries*

Hey all, I bet you were wondering where I've been hehe. Well its my 2nd week at work and man am I under pressure (prolly all my own fault). I am in charge of finance and HR and its something I have never done before. I am finding it very stressful, as i have 2 weeks (this being my last) to learn all the ropes. There is so much to learn, and I am scared about flying solo next week, I don't want to make mistakes and I don't want to stuff things up. So prayer for that would rock. Also friends of ryan and i are in a bit of a rough patch atm, a very rough patch, so prayer for them would be absolutely amazing, God has to work a miracle! Ryan and I are good, my first ever Valentine's Day and I have a GUY! lol Its 2mths and like 8 days till the wedding, still lots to do though. Have a great one all, I best be heading to work. Godbless *hug*

I GOT A JOB!!!! By the GRACE of GOD I got a job!

I am now working for BuyEquip :) as admin, and I get a uniform YAY and its 9-5 job YAY.

Also, I am gunna do BILLY BANKS BOOT CAMP (on a dvd)!!!! Its like tae bo stuff and yeah its army ish :p HOW FUN!! I am gunna get fit fit fit :p

How are you all? Please let me know!

GODBLESS ALL (love ya and love GOD!!)

P.SThanks all for praying for me to get a job.....i really am very grateful and pray God blesses you all abundantly.

How are we all? I am pretty allright :p

I ordered Harvest Moon for Gamecube the other day so i can't wait to get it, should arrive tomorrow :) or tuesday hehe.

I have decided to get into my bible reading, and exercising, and job searching like no tomorrow. I made a lil chart and everything so i dont forget hehe.

Been thinking about the New Recruit days, the days when i was in a band lol yes i was in a band. I miss it. We only perfomed once, at Sonfest 05, but it was amazing, God was fully there, he had to be, or i wouldn't have sung :)

Well hopefully Ryan and I will make it to church tonite. Last week we were like 7mins from church and the car broke :( so by the time we got it home it was too late to go.....

Not long till the wedding now....and i am already sick of looking at flowers, i have to pick what i want...and i cannot choose :s its soo frustrating...lol and hmm what else do i have to do....

• Arrange the hairstyles and make-up for me and the bridesmaids.
• Pay the last 40 bux on my dress...and hope it still fits.
• PICK a cake....
• Get invitations out (in February)
• Find cars...or transport..
• PICK songs for the ceremony and background music...

I think that's all *sigh* i am soo stressing.

Well time to drink some more Mt Dew and listen to random songs.

Godbless

Well, Ryan's job is working out awesome for him and us. It is a dream job.

I actually have an interview on tuesday at 4.15pm at a physio place, as a receptionist, in the valley, just like where Ryan works. So that will be interesting.

Its finally the weeked....so I am happy, pennyless but happy.

Oh cept for the fact that my dearest friend SIMI is now 2 1/2 hrs away from Thailand, where she will be for 2 weeks :( (it will be ok Lindsay, she will be home soon).

Have a good one everyone.

Rach

*sigh* if only today was as great as yesterday.

Centrelink are silly. They ain't gunna pay me much, and i have a ph bill due. AND i can't get work...well not yet anyways lol i am stressing again....i hate it...stress....i try to not worry but meh lol I hope God steps in soon...

Prayer would be nice....maybe if there are a HEAP of us praying, he will hear it :p hehehehe

Godbless

 I just want toooo fly

Well...not really hehe. I can take it easy today, cos so far this week, I have applied for 15 jobs :) man would centrelink be proud ha ha.

Its quite boring sitting at home doing nothing but waking up late....its just too hot and now that Ryan has a job, I have more time to myself...to do things i want to do...like...sit here at home bored and wake up late *waaaah*

hmm...been looiking up flowers and cakes for the wedding, and i think i know what i want. Probably roses, both pink and white, and green leaves.....doh rach wat other colour leaves are there.

Its like 3 mths and 10 days now...till the wedding....darn its close...i am getting excited....i get to go today and choose the invitation stationary HURRAH!!!!

OOOOO i have to make a quiche and some kinda dessert (maybe) for a dinner i am attending tonight lol. I wonder how my cooking will go. I ain't cooked for ages lol like i mean proper cooking. hehe

Eyes like the sunrise... man i love westlife hehe specially now that bryan has left, wasn't much of a fan of him hehehehehhe.

*yawn*....now what?

Something i wrote a few years ago, that is QUITE deep lol

---

I am sitting here staring at this white ‘space’ and trying to figure out a ‘smart’ thing to start my typing with. I just can’t do it like they do in books; I don’t have some awesome beginning sentence or remark to trap the reader. But I suppose that doesn’t matter does it, for I am the writer and I am the reader.

 

Tonight has been one like many others. Things seem to be fine, when all of a sudden I fall, I fall so far that it seems I cannot get up. I don’t know what has made me fall, and I don’t remember seeing it coming. I don’t even know how to start the journey back to where I was. It comes just like that, like an unexpected bill that tells you of the deadline waiting the next day.

 

Its funny, I can try and explain what I feel inside, what I am going through, but would that help? Does it ever help? All I want is to find the source and destroy it. I am sick of falling time and time again and not knowing what’s tripping me.

 

Where do I start, seriously, where do I start? A lot of it is just a jumbled up mess, it never really makes sense in my head, and when I try to get it out whether it be on paper, or in words, it doesn’t make sense. I wish I could make others see what I am dealing with; allow them to see the frustration I possess at times like this.

 

I don’t normally write, or type or record my thoughts in anyway. But after talking to a few friends, I thought it may be best, just to see where my thoughts are going, and to try and make some sense of it all.

 

To the outside world, I seem fine, I don’t seem to be struggling, I seem to be happy, and I seem to have things figured out. I suppose I mask myself well, for they do not see what is really going on. What’s really going on, most of the time, is a battle, a battle between to strong sides, both fighting, both wanting total control. It worries me when I think how things will be, when one side finally wins, in one possibility, good could prevail, and well I don’t know what life will bring if that happens, I have grown so accustomed to this battle, I don’t know if I could live without it. On the other hand, evil could take charge. I have already felt and seen what a small part of evil can do to me, and I believe so very strongly, that if evil was to defeat good, my life would be suddenly cut short, never again to exist on this such planet. That’s right, evil would consume me so much that I would not survive; I would not survive at all.

 

So many times I have tried to find the one thing that allowed such a web of confusing thoughts to exist, so many times I have tried to find the seed that brought about such a weed, one that seems to grow, continuously, and no matter what weed killer you use, it comes back stronger than before. Sometimes I think it is an easy thing and I am just missing something, I want to just be able to one day understand it all, and know where it comes from. But, that will not happen. It’s not that easy. If it was, would I be here right now typing out my thoughts on how I want to find the culprit who made my life hell?

 

Have you ever lost something? Misplaced something maybe? You had it one moment and at that moment everything was fine. You move around a bit, take your focus of it and place it onto something else, and all of a sudden, the thing you held close was gone. All of a sudden things don’t feel right. You know you had it, but you just can’t find it. You know it existed but you don’t know where it went. You know what it looks like and that you had it close but you don’t know where things went wrong, how you could have possibly let it go. I suppose that is a lot like what I am going through.

 

Once upon a time, things were fine. Life was easy, there was peace all around. Years go by, and suddenly it’s turned upside down. Now there are wars, horrible, hurtful wars. You know how you felt before hand, how nice life was, and you know how you feel now, and how awful things have gotten. But you just can’t figure out what went wrong. You can’t for the life of you pick out the exact moment things changed. Maybe there wasn’t a moment; maybe there were a few things that distorted your view on life. Maybe just as you lost that thing you held dear, you realise it was because your focus was on something else.

 

Maybe that’s what it is, the small thing that has caused me so much pain. My focus was not on the thing it should have been on. My focus was on things that draw me away from what I hold dear. Not away entirely, but for moments, when I cannot find what I have lost, its those moments that I am focused elsewhere, those moments that I tend to become so overwhelmed by a darker side. A side that blinds me stops me from searching for what was lost, from refocusing.

 

At times I come across what I have lost and once again cling to it with all that I have, but just as before, what I have leaves me and I head back towards the dark side. Why can’t I keep it in my sight? What makes me let go so easily? Where is the fight? Do I just allow something that I hold so dear, something that means the world to me, something that I live for alone, just slip away? Do I think deep down, that maybe I can live without it; maybe I can do life alone? As much as I hate to admit it, many times, without knowing, that is probably the thing that loosens my grasp. Allows what’s held close, to suddenly seem so far away?

 

I can’t keep going on like this. One day, the thing I come back to, the thing I hold close, will have vanished, for good. One day I will be trapped, stuck on the dark side, alone and scared. I feel like a hiker without a map, a police car without a siren, a mother without her daughter. I don’t know what to do. But all I know is, I can’t just sit back and let my changes of a life that’s worth living, just fade away. I must depart on a journey, one that has no visible ending, one that has no map, no inventory, no instructions whatsoever. My life depends on this, my all, depends on this. So I embark this day, on a journey, to a place unknown, to find a reason, also unknown. There is but one thing I am sure of, I am not alone. For at this moment, the thing I treasure and hold dear, is with me, it will guide me, it will never leave me, even though I may leave it. I must persevere, for at the end, lies victory, victory over darkness.

well Ryan has a job now. YAY he starts tomorrow YAY so its exactly what he wants and everything. GO GOD. aaaaan my dog came back by herself after being missing for 1wk lol and she looks fine, strange gal.

Now i am looking for work, and i hope to find some soon. The wedding is 3mths and 14days away and we need all the money we can get!!

Hmm what else....um i am still trying to pick a song to walk down the aisle to, so if anyone has any ideas lol that would rock!

Ok well its late ish and bed is soon lol
Stay SAFE!

Godbless

HEY everyone,

What a week this has been.....Ryan having so many job/cenrelink stuffups its just not CRICKET

Anyhoo, God seems to be opening doors to both of us now. Its cool, you get to a point where you go 'i cant do this, there is nothing i can do to fix this, all i can do is give it all to God, maybe he can help' and then, all of a sudden, doors are opening, answers are given.

Ryan was going to be a plummer (he wanted to) but God had other plans, Ryan is now applying for IT (his profession) and the jobs he is qualified for pay great :) YAY GOD!

A good friend of mine passed a job advert onto me, for an admin assistant at a youth/community help place. ITS ALL I EVER WANTED IN A JOB. I am applying, closing date is jan 2nd, its part time 20hrs a week AND in Deception Bay, where we want to live when married. GOD IS GOOD.

So yeah, i am praying for THAT job atm :)

God is good, all the time, all the time, God is good.

Godbless....remember, give it to God, HE CAN DO IT!

I don't know if anyone will even read this, but if you do, here is a sneek preview of my life atm.

I have 5 days left of my job, and then i am unemployed. My fiance is currently unemployed, but may have a job this week. We have no savings at all to go towards our wedding or life together. There is 4 mths till the wedding and we still have so much to pay for.

My fiance has no car. I don't feel i have anything i can offer with my life. I don't know where God wants me, and I feel like i have no purpose.

I don't want to be trapped in a darn boring job the rest of my life. I want to enjoy my work. I want to share God with the world, i want to live a life soley on him.

All these problems are stressing both me and my fiance. We get angry easy, we don't seem to spend much time 'together' now adays, as we are too stressed or tired or angry. I am worried my life will never reach a point where i am fully happy.

I would love to go a mission, somewhere, where people have less than I, so i can learn from them, and get away from this horrible world we seem to have made earth.

I also want to lose weight, as i am gaining it where i dont' want it. I am not very motivated here.

I just want life to get better, so all i can do is await God, and hopefuly he will soon come to the rescue.....before its too late.....before things get too hard....i know he will come....i just posess that human characteristic of doubt that seems to be built into us as a default.

*sigh* thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

Pray for us, please, any help, would, rock.

Luv ya, xxoo

THATS IT! NO MORE! I do not want to let Satan rule my life anymore! I am sick of it. He does not have that much power over me.

He takes hold of things from our past that were horrible and brings them to the present. God already got us through them, why should we go back and retrace those steps.

God died for our sins, so that we may have life, not so that Satan can mess up his plans.

For too long I have let my thoughts about myself overtake me. Satan, no more. I am letting God drive. He got me through those times, making me redo the past, is not going to work.

For God is much greater and always will be.

Lord, I love you with all that I am, I shold prolly love you more, for you deserve it. Help me to remember all you have done and be reminded of all that you will do for me. Please protect me through the rough times, support me and guide me o Lord. I need you more than life itself. For I cannot do this alone, failure would only become me. Lord, you are my fortress, my strong tower, the enemy cannot scale these walls. You are my almighty defender, my deliverance, my Life. I love you Lord. Amen.

How awesome is God....I was doing some reading tonite, of past emails from a certain someone...and it got me thnking.

This time about 6mths ago, I was single. I was convinced I would be alone forever. How wrong I was. God...had someone for me...someone amazing, so much more greater than i could have imagined, someone i do not deserve. Someone, from heaven above.

Now i am engaged. WOW! How can people say that God's not real. So many times he has worked miracles in my life, and although they haven't been 'BIG' like water to wine, or death defying, they have been miracles all the same, God driven ones, for me.

I am alive...if God wasn;t in my life, i dont think i would be. I have a great family, one i would never trade no matter how much we fight. How else could i get so much goodness in my life. Only God could provide that.

Anytime I think i cannot get through soemthing, its satan trying to ruin Gods plans. Funny thing is, no matter wat satan does, if i place God as number one and rely on him alone, satan will never ruin a thing. More so, he will show off God's amazing power.

We must remember that, 'we can do all things through God who strengthens us'. Give it all to him, and in years to come, you can count your blessings and miracles and admire the gracious God who gave his only son for us.....because he loves us....

Have a good one, stay safe in Christ.
Rach xxoo

What's your thoughts on this?

Is this really life?

We see on tv, we read the news
Things that are happening should break us.
But what really matters in the world today?
Are we really like robots, feelings faded away.

Someonebody lives, someonebody dies,
Do we get that its actually real?
Does it make any sense, have we any idea
Getting by without one single tear.

Is this really life?
Should it all be this way?
All the pain and disorder?
Oh Is this really life?

Things used to matter, but now they just don't
It's like someone took away our hearts.
Violence, sex, drugs are they all the new norm.
In years to come will we all just conform.

We sit in our chairs, safe in our box.
Its not us in pain, why should we care.
Can't we just try and change all of this
It will only get worse than it already is

Is this really life?
Should it all be this way?
All the pain and strife
We'll do something, but just not today.

Will it ever stop, before we all drop?
Or will it continue on, after we're gone.

We know this isn't life
Let's make a change today
God blessed us with it all
A purpose driven life.